For example, what if I were to ever appear on The Late Show with David Letterman? Why would I appear on that show, you may ask, and that would be a very good question, but one that could possibly get you removed from my Facebook Friends list. (I know, it's a small threat, but it's all I've got.) But to answer your question, who knows? Maybe they'd mistake me for someone else.
But that's all beside the point. The point is, what would me, a guy who has nothing to say, have to say to Dave? Well, as luck would have it, that conversation came to me tonight(*).
Me: So, Dave, do you ever pee in the shower?
Dave: Um, no. No, I don't.
Me: I didn't either, until I saw Madonna on your show, and she said that it helps to cure athlete's foot. So now I do. I learn a lot of stuff on this show, Dave. You know kids could learn a lot on this show, too, if only it weren't on so late. Maybe you could change to the 10pm time slot or something.
Dave: Um, no. No, I don't think we'd want to do that.
Me: Have you ever had athlete's foot, Dave?
Dave: No. No, I don't believe that I have.
Me: I've never had it either, but, from what I've seen on TV, it looks like really nasty stuff. Flames coming off of your toes and everything. It seems like you'd go through a lot of socks that way. I guess if you ever had athlete's foot, though, you could just wear some of those Nomex socks that your Indy car drivers wear. They're fire proof.
Dave: Yeah. Yeah, I suppose I could.
Me: The other bad thing about having athlete's foot, Dave, is that you'd probably get a visit from John Madden. That guy scares me, the way he yells, "BOOM!" all the time. You get athlete's foot, and John Madden's in your living room, watching the flames shoot off of your feet, then he yells, "BOOM!" and throws a can of Tough Actin' Tinactin at you.
Whoops! Is it ok for me to say "Tough Actin' Tinactin" on here, or does that count as a plug? Oh, well, now maybe they'll send me a case of it. But that would be kind of ironic, wouldn't it, since I don't need it, because, you know, I pee in the shower and all, thanks to Madonna and your show!
Dave: Yes, yes, that would be ironic. Unfortunately, Mrs. Bush, that's all the time we have tonight. Please tell Former President Bush (your husband, not that other one) I said 'hello,' won't you?
(*)No, I'm not going to tell you where I was when I thought of this discussion, or what I was doing in the shower.
7 comments:
AHA HA HA HA HA! Well, I am going away from this post with the image of Mrs. Bush peeing in the shower, and that's something I just don't want to think about. ;)
wv--beardro
I didn't know Mrs. Bush had grown a beardro?
I would like to see any woman urinate with such accuracy.
Hmmmmmm, it would appear that someone has fallen off the wagon...again.
Wow... ya learn something every day.
You sounded just a wee disingenuous while you were talking to Dave, but it was probably just the anxiety about Madden. I wish I could say I've never had athlete's foot, but I'll spare you the details.
What's funny is that athlete's foot isn't helped by any of those OTC treatments you see on TV. Tough actin' my ass. Waste of money.
Finally! An excuse to pee in the shower.
Just kidding. As Elaine would say, "Ever hear of... holding it in?"
But you don't like Seinfeld. Boo.
Funny post, Babs!
Mala, you and the Bev knocked me clean off of that wagon.
Thank y'all!
MtnMama, the reason I fly is because I know that I'll never run into John Madden in an airplane.
Bev, yeah, I don't like Seinfeld, but I know of the episode to which you are referring.
I really did have athlete's foot, once, as a kid. I forget what I used on it, but I don't think it worked too well.
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