Conversation with an Idiot

I found this unfinished post in my drafts.  Dammit, I wish I remembered what the "Conversation" was...


I've spent the last week at Mom's house, to give my sister a bit of a break. Unfortunately, Aunt L. is also in town. Even more unfortunate is that her idiot son (AKA IdiotCousin) is visiting her, since he's jobless and doesn't have anything better to do.

He's not an idiot because he's jobless (I'm no pot calling anyone black), but for many other reasons. One reason being that one of the first orders of business, once I got into town, was to take Aunt L to pick him up from jail, where he'd spent the night after getting arrested for DWI.

An Audiobook Recommendation

I'm not one to use this blog to make recommendations, but if you're a fan of The Blogess, have I got one for you! If you read her blog or follow her on twitter, then you know that she has a book out.

The problem with books, though (at least for me), is that you have to find time to sit and read them. When I sit, my laptop gets in the way of a book. I suppose that the laptop could also make a good book rest, but I digress. I've recently started listening to podcasts during the two-hour drive to Bryan, and while I weed my backyard. One of them is Aisha Tyler's Girl On Guy (yes, it's perfectly SFW. Wait, no it's not, because there's a lot of swearing, but no porno stuff). One of her sponsors is Audible.com, and if you click on that link, you can get a one-month free trial, which includes one free download.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

I got the audiobook version of  "Let's Pretend This Never Happened," which is read by Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess) herself. At first, her voice annoyed me a bit, as she made every sentence sound like a question? I eventually got used to it, and really enjoyed the book. It made the drives (and yardwork) go by quickly.

The best part of the audiobook version, though, is that not only does it include a chapter (entitled "Balls," about her first job as a 14 year-old, working in a sno-cone stand) that her editor had her take out of the book, but it ends with about 20 minutes of out-takes of her just talking off the cuff, about things such as whether or not she should add a drinking game to the book, where the reader would take a shot every time she mentions the word "vagina," or whether or not Lady Gaga smells like cat pee. She also beat-boxed her vagina. Well, not her vagina, but the word "vagina." ("va-va-va" would only count for a half shot, BTW).

The only disadvantage in the audiobook is that it doesn't have photographs.

I'd recommend this audiobook as a "Buy."  Well, more of a "Get it for free," I guess.

UPDATE:  I guess Jenny reads my blog, because she's started posting the pictures from her book here.

Various Videos

Since I've still got nothing to say, here are a few videos that I've got laying around, trying to decide what to do with.

This first one's a little hard to watch, but stick with it, to get his mother's words of encouragement:

Here's a video that I find quite useful. Now, I just need someone to practice on with:

(Preferably someone who doesn't look so much like Bob Saget.)

Lastly, I hate it when this happens (sNSFW):

And, finally:

Women Eating Corndogs

Both Samsmama and OneBadMammaJamma went to state fairs today, and each promised to send me photos of them eating corndogs. Neither did. :-(

Not to be discouraged, I went out and found some of my own.

Oh, you tease....

C'mon, don't be shy.

That's better

Two Girls One Corndog

Teeth! Watch the teeth!

Everything's bigger in Texas.

Well, maybe not everything.

Ok, so he's not a woman (that I know of), but how is this not photoshop?

Supposedly, this photo was taken outside St Francis of Assisi Catholic Church in Oil City, PA (link).

I tried to find something for the ladies, but this is the closest I could get:

New Clothes!

My niece gave me this t-shirt:

I didn't even know that she read my blog.

Roadside Finds

One of the nice things about riding a bike is that you see more stuff along the side of the road. Not only do you see more stuff, but it's a lot easier to stop and pick it up. Last week, I picked up an XL t-shirt that will be used as an oil rag and a fairly new inner tube, with an easily-patched puncture. If I stopped to pick up every bungee cord I saw, I'd never get anywhere.

Just this past Sunday, I found this Gerber multi-tool

It needs a little cleaning up, but overall, it's in pretty good shape.

One of my coolest finds, though, is hair:

When I was visiting my sister and her family a couple of weeks ago, my niece took this picture of me, sleeping at the Monterey Bay Aquarium:

Man, I didn't realize that my bald spot was getting so large! But now, that doesn't have to be!

I can even go fancy, and throw some blonde in there:

If you think it looks good from that angle, just get a load of how it looks from the front!

Now, I'm happy with my chest hair, but imagine if I wanted more there, too:

And, one last photo, because I know my audience:

I've got to go, now, I'm beginning to itch....

First Kiss

This video brought back memories of my first kiss (with a girl who wasn't related). It was in the coat room at the Catholic kindergarten that I went to. I don't remember the girl's name, but I do remember the kiss, on the mouth, with our heads moving side to side, just like in the movies. Back then, of course, all movie kisses were closed-mouthed.

Proud of my accomplishment, I went up and told the nun. Her reply? "Frank, that's not nice!"

That statement scarred me for years, if not for life.